Fifth Mapping

Oh boy! This mapping brought a lot of emotions for me. I do not know how to describe it. No, it's not exciting nor sad. It's just different experience. I haven't seen my audiologist, Steven for two months. It's my cochlear implant two months follow-up last Friday at 12:30pm.

I was looking forward to see my audiogram where I am right now. I felt I had improved so much since our last appointment two months ago. Steven came and bought us (Annie was with me to interpreter for me) to the room where he will test my hearing. He asked me how it went over two months. I explained to him what I have experienced for example high frequency, overcame while packing, two weeks later it came back, blah blah, even what I have learned over two months. I didn't took his time for this. I had to explain brief to give him an idea.

It's time for me to take a hearing test. I felt the same as usually as I took before. After the test, he didn't show it to me until we went to his office. He gave me my audiogram. I was surprised that my high frequency was still strongest than low frequency. My low frequency has not improved yet.

You can compare my another audiogram from earlier date on this blog. Steve decided to renew my mapping. That means he started all over again to remove the old mapping to make the new one. He asked me to listen the beep (gosh, that beeps are very annoying noise) and try to compare 1 and 2, and if the beeps sound the same? I had to do this again and again until all are equal and comfortable. I have done 1, 2, 3, until 10. Suddenly it sting me! I told him it hurts! But it was not painful, it's just hurts. His facial expression surprised and make it go quieter. Again it made the same sting! You might get confused about 1, 2, 3...12. I'm going to post one picture to give you an example.

That picture my dad took when I had my first activation last February 13th. You can see there are twelve. First one is low frequency until last are high frequency. My fifth mapping looks different from this screen now. But I'm showing this to help you understand better.. So he removed 10 to avoid sting me.

So he established a new mapping and push me a bit to pull up the low frequency and lower the high frequency without 10. (10 is one of 12 different frequency) I asked him why that number 10 sting me. He was thinking and said it might be too much electric and that specific area cannot handle it at that moment. (Seriously, that was not so fun to feel that sting. It scared me a bit). So he finally finished with mapping and tested me if it's good enough but it was quiet so he pull up again twice to get it loud enough for me. Now I'm stuck with this new mapping for several months. He said he will not adjust my mapping or make an appointment.

You must wondering why.. Steve said that he does not want to push me more UNTIL my right catch up with left. Yes, that means my left will have to wait for right to catch up (audiogram), so both can work together to improve. My surgery will be on July 13th and activation will be third week of August after my trip to Austria visit Omi, my grandma, Michi, my mother's brother, and other things like FUN FUN FUN and CHOCOLATE! Anyway, poor my left ear will have to wait for several months for another mapping.

Interesting--I asked Steve if I have to take my left cochlear implant off to focus on my right cochlear implant. Because one of my friends told me that she had to take her right off, so her mind will not depend on her right while left on. Sorry if it's confusing but hope it makes sense. Steve said I don't have to because my left cochlear implant is still new. Yay! Same time scary because it might be too loud. Haha. My friend had right cochlear implant for a year and half before get second one. My situation is different than hers.

Okay, add some more emotions--when I saw that audiogram--I admitted I was a little disappointed because I thought I have improved so much. But same time, I remembered Steve warned me that lot of patients felt they have improved so much but the audiograms didn't show that. It didn't mean they didn't improved their hearing skills. It made sense to me now.

I left the office and felt quieter. I thought oh no, did Steve make it quieter? I thought he made it louder to push me a bit? I got confused and decided to ignored it. Got home. Everything still sound quieter. It bothered me a bit. I decided to test program 2 to see if there was anything different from program 1 which I was on. Yeah, it was different--a bit louder. I decided to keep program 2 for awhile. AND I still feel the sore that 10 hits. Oh man, I hope it won't bother me that much. I started to get worried.

Before I went bed, I forgot what has bothered me but I changed my mind and put it on program 1. Silly, I know. The next day, I was still on program 1. I noticed the sounds around me get louder than yesterday. My memories flash--I remembered every time I went for mapping--most of time the changes didn't response until next day. I do not know why but it does. Finally, it's normal but different...different.. That one I cannot able to describe. The sore was not half bad.

Oh no, plastic bags or other things bothered me. In my mind, NO NO NO NO! I overcome that sound! Not again! I hate that sounds. Of course, I did not want to go through again and I cried for no reasons. I know--silly.. I guess it's just overwhelming for me. I talked with Annie and she was curious which frequency was bothering me. She tested me with different sounds to see which it bothered me so much. She even tested me with piano. She found some information from the internet. We found out that middle frequency bothered me, not the high frequency! We both assumed that Steve pulled low frequency and it was new to my brain. I guess I have to get used to it AGAIN. After talking with Annie, I feel much better and increase more courage to continue that stupid noise. I hope I'll able to overcome this annoy noise quickly.

Today is Sunday and I'm all better now (of course, still annoy noise). No more sore, but still feel little weird feeling. At least it's not hurt or anything. I'm relief that I'm okay. Haha. No more drama for me. I'm back normal. Two days with drama can be exhausting. Whew!