Crazy Short Vacation

Katie (Annie's sister), Annie, and I went Virginia for beach. We all wanted to go there for a reason. I wanted to have a little vacation before summer school. Annie wanted to celebrate she finished spring semester with school (her job). Katie wanted to go cuz she loved there. All mouses went together to three different beaches.

We arrived so late after crazy mold from my apartment. Now it's time for relaxing weekend. Well, while we were driving--it was dark and so late. I saw lighting bugs fire up. Suddenly when a lighting bug hits the window shield, it glows (more likely a fireworks that you can threw on the floor. It made sounds.) But with lighting bug, it hits and light blows then fade slowly. Weird!

Annie got tired and she wanted Katie to drive for her since I was exhausted. Katie had to go potty but there are nowhere at that time. Annie tried to find a place to stop so both can switch. She found a turn on the right path and make a circle. I realized that place is a prison. Katie couldn't hold much longer, so she got out of car and walked to find a place for potty in the trees. I got a bit panic since that area was prison. Annie kept saying oh those people are in the blocks. They couldn't get out. Well, somehow it can be a miracle for a person to escape from the prison, but I'm not going to think about it. Phew, Katie made a quick trip and we got back on trip.

The next morning we left for beach. We decided to try for Beach ... . We had to drive an hour to get there. The place was beautiful and different than where we were staying at Annie & Katie's aunt's house. We stayed there for about four half hours. I was bummer because I got some sunburns! Dang it.

Next morning I decided not to go to the beach because of my sunburns. We ended up went to watch a move called, "The Proposal". It was funny movie, we all liked it. We don't know what to do even it was only early in the afternoon. We went to get ice cream then what?! Umm finally all of us agreed to go to beach. Yes, beach night time. Oh my, it became GREAT night. The waves were GREAT but a bit crazy. The first beach was not bad.

Third day Katie hoped to go for beach before we leave for home. We went to different beach. It turned out some drama and I am not going to list it down. We didn't stay there much longer. I think we stayed there only two hours because of lousy waves, very WINDY, crowd, and sand hits us OWIE OWIE! We gave up and left for home. It's good because I wanted to get home before it gets dark.

It's amazing to see three different beaches and different waves. All three beaches have one common--cold water. First day I had hard time to get used to cold water. Second day was BEST but still cold. Third day was umm cold but not bad.

I finally got comfortable to dive through the waves, let the wave hits my back, duck when the big waves comes, and trying to control myself before the water current pulling us away! Annie taught me what I should do. She grew up with beach. Her mother always took her kids to beach when Annie was young. Oh yeah, Annie taught me how to use boogie boarding. It was fun. One time the wave kicked me off. OWWWWWWWIE! I thought I would die because I felt the wave bend my back. Oh boy.. Annie, of course, explained me why it has happened and tell me how to do proper way blah blah.

At least I had fun time.... My vacation was over.... WWWWAAAAHHHH!!

AAAAGGGGGHHHH!!

On that day we were planned to leave here at our apartment for beach when I get home from my work. In the early morning, I left here at 6:30am to get there at work by 8am. I have been teaching my ONE class for four hours then drove back another hour to get home. I was ready to leave on the road as hoping that Annie will driving because I was exhausted. One tiny thing made a big stressful, I just learned that Annie kicked by accident and broke her toes. She couldn't pack, clean her car, get food ready, etc. Yup, that means I have to run home to do errands before Kate, Annie's sister come here--YIKES!

OH MY GOSH! I have been up and down several times. (I live on second floor of apartment.) I was nearly done with packing and ready to leave but wanted to get some game boards to bring with us. I went to the closet where the games are. I opened and smelled something so STINKY! PHEW!! I didn't explore why it smelled so badly. I was in hurry. I grabbed the box from the bottom and noticed there were mold. I looked from down to up. My eyes changed wide into a shock look. The closet was covered mold everywhere!! I jumped back and yelled for Annie. Anne came and see what was going on. She saw where I pointed to.

FYI: This picture didn't look much GROSSY and you haven't see a WHOLE of it. Bottom was MUCH WORSE than this picture. I wish I have caught that part before the man came..

Of course, we had to called the apartment office to report. The man came to see what's going on and saw that it was serious situation. He told us that three days ago, upstairs had water leaks. They thought it wouldn't affect downstairs. BUZZZZZZ! Wrong! However, he said he couldn't do anything until next week. UGH! Again, he also said that we must took all of the games OUT of the closet. Okay.. that was bad timing. Great.. More work for me.. Lucky Katie got here and helped me to get all the games out of the closet.

So sad that we had to buried HALF of our games into a huge apartment trash. Sniffing. Good bye good games. Serious, the mold rule the games. Mold won. We were able to saved only few games. I don't want to think how much we lose on those games. Look at the bright side, we found it before the mold take control of our apartment. Mold might kill us in silent, who knows.

We finally left and got there very late. Whew.

Adventurous Appointment

I think this one will going to be difficult for me to explain what happened at my appointment with audiologist, Steve, last Friday. I will try my best.

You might wonder why I have gone Steve even it’s not time for my sixth mapping. Well, I’m going to refresh your mind. My fifth mapping—one of twelve (it’s number 10) electrode have caused a bit pain when Steve turned the volume up. He decided to turn 10 off. I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, and 12 on active.

I went home and feel weird. Maybe that mapping electrode 10 caused it to be sore. Like you have a cut and then you touch it. I guess I waited to see how it goes in a few days. Over the weekend, I started to feel it was different that time. The feeling is very hard to describe and I tried to explain it to Steve. Imagine that. Let me try to explain it to you if you understand what I mean. It’s sort of like some cough drops, it makes your throat tingly/cool. That tingly/cool feeling is deep in my ear. I don’t think it’s related to a specific sound. The strange is that when I took my cochlear implant off, it was disappeared. Too weird! I had to email Steve. He suggested me to go see the doctor to see if I have an ear inflection and I don’t have it. He suggested me to turn the volume down and it didn’t work. We have been forth and back then finally decided that I should go back to see Steve and see why I’m having that feelings.

That was two weeks ago since I had an appointment with Steve for fifth mapping. The appointment was Friday at eight in the morning. I went and the appointment took longer than usually I had with mappings. This appointment was different. Steve said he have a theory and wanted to try it to see if it works. I went inside of his office and saw there was a machine and it was Middle Ear Analyzer. I thought it must be for other clients.

Steve: That machine, Middle Ear Analyzer, I’m going to use on you. I have a theory and I wanted to try and see if it works.

Me: (Confused: But it’s not the issue since ear drum was worthless to test because cochlear implant goes in different way..)

Steve: It will goes to your right ear.

Me: Uh huh? How it works?

Steve: What I will do is to put this in your right ear and check to see … too loud that would trigger the muscle. It will apply the same as your left ear.

Me: (Curious) Okay.

I guess that’s what he did to me. He pulled the Middle Ear Analyzer close to him so he can work on his computer and Middle Ear Analyzer same time. What he do with the computer? The coil wire goes to the machine that connected to the computer. He turn the volume up to my individual frequency to see when it would trigger. He started with quiet until loud. He will asked me if the loud is okay with me. I had to answer it’s okay, not too loud. Nothing exciting with electrode 1. He tested electrode 4. Suddenly Steve was so happy and proud of himself. I have no idea why he was so happy but realized that he was happy that his theory probably right. So he continued with other frequency. Nothing wrong with some frequency until 10.. Of course, the number 10 is the problem. He had to start with quiet until where it hurts me. Bingo, that hurts. He turned the volume down and it hurts a little. He again lower the loudness and that time no pain.

At that moment, I asked him why it was causing pain? Because when it hurts, I can feel hurt goes down to my throat. It’s almost like throbbing. Steve was diligent to give me the answers why it has happened to me. He started to give me the example—doctor taps your knee and you kick. It's a reflex. Same idea with ear. When the sounds are loud, it triggers the muscle to pull your eardrum. (Later Annie told me: When you yawn, you couldn’t hear the noise because while you yawn, the muscle pulls the eardrum tight.)

He said that number 10 is sensitive to the electrical stimulation from the implant.

So the question is can he fix the problem? Yes, he can by change the mapping a bit. Now my newest mapping does not change a lot except number 9, 10, and 11. He made the number 9, 10, and 11 stimulation lower than other stimulation and try again on me to see if the problem have solved. The first try, it hurts; therefore, he had to lower once again. Finally no more pain on that mapping.

Before Steve was confirmed the new mapping is good for me, he had to test me by saying Ling sounds with a black cloth to cover his mouth. He asked me to raise my arm if I hear him say something. He started to say one of Ling and I had no problem raise my arm for awhile as he said the sounds quieter and quieter. One time I was not sure if I heard it. I said umm I’ll go ahead raise my arm and not sure because I think it’s extremely quiet. Am I imagine? Steve was thrilled that I was able to hear the quiet and said it’s good mapping for you now. You do not have two programs now. You have accomplished that area.

Steve asked me what I wanted to do with second program so I decided to go for music. He set up a program for music. I wonder what’s the different but Steve mentioned that the music he set will be broader than program 1. Program 1 is narrow to focus on the speech frequencies.

The result is that I haven’t had weird feeling since last Friday. After the appointment, I felt everything was quiet. I recalled that I noticed nothing much after the mapping until NEXT day. True enough, the next day it was a bit louder than Friday, but not too loud as before. It’s different somehow. Things tend bothers me was not important to me now. Yes, it’s loud but not enough to drive me nuts. Such as plastic bag or flush the toilet. I sometimes ran away from the toilet when I flush it. Sometimes I forced myself to stay to wash my hands while flush the toilet. That sounds was unpleasant to me. Now I can get used to that noise because the high frequency is not overpower other frequencies.

Well the first day was quiet. The second day was better. The third day was a lot better. Now I feel the bathroom is loud and starting annoying again, but not awful. I guess I am picking up the sound even though Steve turn down the stimulation.

Now I feel I have to learn everything over, because the high frequency is not overpower other frequencies. I have to do listening therapy to see if it sounds the same or different. I guess I will find out soon. I guess that's it for now.

Flashes

Weird.. Weird.. Last night I was exhausted and ready go bed. I had no problem shut my eyes right away when I lay on my bed. Dreams appeared in my head. Until about two in the morning, something flash on my eyes. I couldn't figure it out, but I DO NOT want to open my eyes to see what it is or if it's real flash. I ignored it. I imagined it must be from my one of dreams. A few seconds later, AGAIN something flash on my eyes. Groans! NO NO NO! I'm SLEEPING! I'm NOT going to open my eyes. NO WAY! Of course, I ignored it again. My mind started to race with thinking what flash is. It won't let me go to my dreamland.

Third time, the flash repeated and that time it forced me to open my eyelids to see what's going on. Grin, I struggled to open my one eyelid then another one. My eyeballs rolling to where Annie's sleeping. I had to stare at Annie to see if she is awake, but nope she was sleeping peaceful. I looked around the room. Nothing! I struggled to adjust my eyes focus on the clock (I feel like I'm using the binoculars) to see what time it is and it said 2:13am. Groans! My head hit the pillow and eyes shut hard.

A few minutes later, ARRRRGGGG!!! That flash happened AGAIN!! I had to open my eyelids and stay open to stare if it would happen again. For about two minutes, I was staring in the dark but nothing. I admitted I was starting to get a bit scared. My stupid brain started to act paranoid. My own personal fought with my brain that there is no such thing that could flash or something weird.. I do not want to stay up and wait for it. I had to breathe in and out and hit the pillow once again.

After I shut my eyes, you would guess what's next to this. Yes, the flash has happened again. My eyelids opened so FAST to see where the flash comes from. Somehow I started to imagine is it from me? Sighs. I don't know what to do next. That flash is bothering me and I couldn't go sleep with flashing on my eyelids. I decided to get up and go to the bathroom even I don't need to. I closed the door half way so I can stare from the outside. I sat down on the toilet and stare. I only able to drop a few pee. You know that I just told you that I don't really need to go to the bathroom. Now you believe me.

I was about to close my eyelids, SUDDENLY FLASH!!!! Can you guess what the flash is? It was from outside! I got up and pulled up my sweat pant and went to the window (of course, I did swipe myself before pull up my sweat pant--stop worrying--hey, focus my story). I peeked through the blinds to see where the flashes came from. Oh boy.... That's what I saw...

I made a lot of noise by peeking through the blinds that woke Annie up. Well, I'm guilty because she was not able to go back sleep right away, eh. Sorry, Annie. Alright, I found out what flashes were and felt so stupid. I jumped in my bed and hit the pillow. I struggled to go sleep because of flashes. Somehow knowing the flashes are lighting. I'm not sure if it's lighting or thunder. I need to ask Annie if she was able to hear it. Finally I was able to go to my dreamland after a few minutes later. BUT before go away to the dreamland, I asked myself umm would cochlear implant help me to be aware of noise around me. Would I be less cowardly lion? Seriously, it won't do much since I cannot able to sleep with it. Cochlear implant magnet is not strong enough to hold while I move my head on the pillow. Darn. Too bad for me to be a cowardly lion during the night. But same time sleep without cochlear implant probably good idea, so I can sleep better. Cowardly lion and sleep lousy or cowardly lion and sleep better. At least I know what flashes are.

Fifth Mapping

Oh boy! This mapping brought a lot of emotions for me. I do not know how to describe it. No, it's not exciting nor sad. It's just different experience. I haven't seen my audiologist, Steven for two months. It's my cochlear implant two months follow-up last Friday at 12:30pm.

I was looking forward to see my audiogram where I am right now. I felt I had improved so much since our last appointment two months ago. Steven came and bought us (Annie was with me to interpreter for me) to the room where he will test my hearing. He asked me how it went over two months. I explained to him what I have experienced for example high frequency, overcame while packing, two weeks later it came back, blah blah, even what I have learned over two months. I didn't took his time for this. I had to explain brief to give him an idea.

It's time for me to take a hearing test. I felt the same as usually as I took before. After the test, he didn't show it to me until we went to his office. He gave me my audiogram. I was surprised that my high frequency was still strongest than low frequency. My low frequency has not improved yet.

You can compare my another audiogram from earlier date on this blog. Steve decided to renew my mapping. That means he started all over again to remove the old mapping to make the new one. He asked me to listen the beep (gosh, that beeps are very annoying noise) and try to compare 1 and 2, and if the beeps sound the same? I had to do this again and again until all are equal and comfortable. I have done 1, 2, 3, until 10. Suddenly it sting me! I told him it hurts! But it was not painful, it's just hurts. His facial expression surprised and make it go quieter. Again it made the same sting! You might get confused about 1, 2, 3...12. I'm going to post one picture to give you an example.

That picture my dad took when I had my first activation last February 13th. You can see there are twelve. First one is low frequency until last are high frequency. My fifth mapping looks different from this screen now. But I'm showing this to help you understand better.. So he removed 10 to avoid sting me.

So he established a new mapping and push me a bit to pull up the low frequency and lower the high frequency without 10. (10 is one of 12 different frequency) I asked him why that number 10 sting me. He was thinking and said it might be too much electric and that specific area cannot handle it at that moment. (Seriously, that was not so fun to feel that sting. It scared me a bit). So he finally finished with mapping and tested me if it's good enough but it was quiet so he pull up again twice to get it loud enough for me. Now I'm stuck with this new mapping for several months. He said he will not adjust my mapping or make an appointment.

You must wondering why.. Steve said that he does not want to push me more UNTIL my right catch up with left. Yes, that means my left will have to wait for right to catch up (audiogram), so both can work together to improve. My surgery will be on July 13th and activation will be third week of August after my trip to Austria visit Omi, my grandma, Michi, my mother's brother, and other things like FUN FUN FUN and CHOCOLATE! Anyway, poor my left ear will have to wait for several months for another mapping.

Interesting--I asked Steve if I have to take my left cochlear implant off to focus on my right cochlear implant. Because one of my friends told me that she had to take her right off, so her mind will not depend on her right while left on. Sorry if it's confusing but hope it makes sense. Steve said I don't have to because my left cochlear implant is still new. Yay! Same time scary because it might be too loud. Haha. My friend had right cochlear implant for a year and half before get second one. My situation is different than hers.

Okay, add some more emotions--when I saw that audiogram--I admitted I was a little disappointed because I thought I have improved so much. But same time, I remembered Steve warned me that lot of patients felt they have improved so much but the audiograms didn't show that. It didn't mean they didn't improved their hearing skills. It made sense to me now.

I left the office and felt quieter. I thought oh no, did Steve make it quieter? I thought he made it louder to push me a bit? I got confused and decided to ignored it. Got home. Everything still sound quieter. It bothered me a bit. I decided to test program 2 to see if there was anything different from program 1 which I was on. Yeah, it was different--a bit louder. I decided to keep program 2 for awhile. AND I still feel the sore that 10 hits. Oh man, I hope it won't bother me that much. I started to get worried.

Before I went bed, I forgot what has bothered me but I changed my mind and put it on program 1. Silly, I know. The next day, I was still on program 1. I noticed the sounds around me get louder than yesterday. My memories flash--I remembered every time I went for mapping--most of time the changes didn't response until next day. I do not know why but it does. Finally, it's normal but different...different.. That one I cannot able to describe. The sore was not half bad.

Oh no, plastic bags or other things bothered me. In my mind, NO NO NO NO! I overcome that sound! Not again! I hate that sounds. Of course, I did not want to go through again and I cried for no reasons. I know--silly.. I guess it's just overwhelming for me. I talked with Annie and she was curious which frequency was bothering me. She tested me with different sounds to see which it bothered me so much. She even tested me with piano. She found some information from the internet. We found out that middle frequency bothered me, not the high frequency! We both assumed that Steve pulled low frequency and it was new to my brain. I guess I have to get used to it AGAIN. After talking with Annie, I feel much better and increase more courage to continue that stupid noise. I hope I'll able to overcome this annoy noise quickly.

Today is Sunday and I'm all better now (of course, still annoy noise). No more sore, but still feel little weird feeling. At least it's not hurt or anything. I'm relief that I'm okay. Haha. No more drama for me. I'm back normal. Two days with drama can be exhausting. Whew!

Summer Job

I started my summer job for five weeks before I start MY LAST summer school. My job is still the same, teaching ASL, but different place. That time I'm teaching at Harford County, Maryland. It's an LONG hour away from my apartment, including three different highways I had to use to get there. First highway, I had to fight the traffice. Second highway was not that bad and last highway, I-93 was WORST of all. Because that highway is the common for the big trucks use this highway for communters. Imagine four lanes--mostly trucks will use three lanes. TONS of big trucks. It's very nervous driving on that highway plus raining. I started last Tuesday and I went there twice. Both days were rain day.

I never have been there the building HEAT Center in Harford County so I had to guess how long it will takes me to be there on time. I had to get up 5:30am and leave the apartment at 6:3oam to get there on time. On my first day, I got there at around 7:45am--barely. My class starts at 8am. The first highway was horrible traffic, second highway traffic was slow because of heavy raining and third highway I was not sure where I was going.. Looking for the exit... That takes my time to pay attention and extra careful.

Oh I better explain a bit about HEAT Center. Usually I teach ASL classes at Towson University. This time they send me to HEAT Center. That is more likely the building offer classes from different Universities. Even use this building for conferences. It's a small building but very nice. Interesting but I liked it because it's so QUIET and LESS people. Nice technology. They even have SMARTboard. (Perfect I know how to use SMARTboard because I was required to know how to use when I was taking my classes..)

Anyway the second of day I decided to take the CD, Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing with me so I can listen while I'm driving. No, I cannot able to understand the CD yet. I need more exposure of speech, so CD was good start. I don't have to be stress to focus--all I have to listen to it. I put it in my CD player in my car and start to drive. Of course, it was raining. By time I got on second highway. It was a bit better than last time. I was driving and my mind wandering. Suddenly I realized something funny... When the CD start talking, I was able to listen the CD when the person pause or finished a sentence. I heard something else. It's almost like a song middle of the end of sentence. I had to listen again to pay attention why that made sounds.

Finally I REALIZED that when the person talks, my hearing focus on that speak. When the person pauses, my hearing stopped focus to that. I only can hear car noise, but when the person talks again and it did same thing focus back to it. It's sort of CD speaks and car noise push each other to get my hearing attention. That have never happened to me before. I know it might sounds silly but with my hearing aid while driving, the noises are the same. I can't hear the radio or music. It's very difficult because all noisy merge together. It's not really pleasure to listen that disorder sounds. This experience was a big different for me.

Wow.

That thing fooled me. I had to use my finger to touch one of circles to make sure it's not moving. Wow! I thought you might like it. Have fun!

Second Surgery?

What is about second surgery in July? Well, my surgery appointment is on July 13th. The second surgery is to get second cochlear implant for my right ear. But it's not confirmed yet because of my insurance. I talked with my surgeon, Dr. Della Santina and he seems confidence said it should not a big problem; however, we never know what it will happens.

Beginning of March

Why do I want to have second cochlear implant on my right ear? Is one not enough for me? Well, a few years ago, people would say one is enough. Today people started to discuss two is better than one. Because we have two ears and why not have two cochlear implants.

March 27th

I talked with my audiologist, Steve about that from my fourth mapping. To be honest, I was NOT thinking about having second cochlear implant until I read about bilateral cochlear implant on websites and discussed with Annie. I realized if I feel I have learned so much from cochlear implant and still learning. I have no idea how much it will be helpful for me to have second cochlear implant because my right ear is worst than left. Usually doctor would say to put cochlear implant on the worst ear. I disagreed. I wanted to get a good chance of success, so it will going to be left.

The question is would the cochlear implant be helpful with my right ear? How much it will be benefit? I won't list what ifs. So I decided to ask Steve what he thinks and should I get second ones.

He told me that it might help about 20%, but not much. It might help me to recognize the sounds come from but it will takes me a LONG time to give brain to learn. It might help me to understand speech better, but not sure it would. He also emphasized that many people who got second cochlear implants did not regret with their decision.

After I left and got in the car to go home. Annie was driving at that time. I was silent for awhile because I wanted to sink the information in my mind. I was thinking what if what if what if.. AND is it worth try? Is it? It's driving me nuts. My hearts beating crazy. I can't decide at that moment. To my surprised that my heart beating crazy is because I really want to try it. It's more exciting than worried or stress.

I told Annie, "I think I want second cochlear implant. I need to try and see what it will be benefit to me. If I don't get second, then how can I know it might be benefit to me. I want to get that chance..."

I had to make an appointment with Dr. Della Santina to discuss about second cochlear implant and if he approve this.

April 21th

Now the meeting with my surgeon, Dr. Della Santina, and we talked about why I wanted to have second cochlear implant. Dr. Della Santina said he had to test my balance to make sure I'm okay for second cochlear implant. He was confidence and said I had no problem with my balance and I'm good to have second cochlear implant. Before I left, surgeon asked me--

Surgeon: What did you use cochlear implant for?

Me: (little puzzle) I wear my cochlear implant all the time. All day. I hate to take it off when I go bed. I get it on right away when I wake up in the morning.

Surgeon: (surprised/impressed) What did you hear?

Me: Umm many things I have heard that I have never hear before. For example last week I got home from school. The door was open from the patio. I heard something and asked Annie what the sounds were? She said bugs and birds. I was surprised! Something like that. I kept learning new sounds. Also I started to understand "Okay", but not yet confirmed. Still need lot of practice.

Surgeon: Wow.

I left and asked Annie why surgeon was surprised by my response about wearing my cochlear implant all day? Annie thought about it and remind me of one person who got cochlear implant and soon after wanted it to be removed. Also there are many deaf people who got their cochlear implant and only wear it for movie, music, and other things. Never wanted to wear all day. Again, Annie reminded me that I didn't wear my hearing aid all day. I only wear when I'm in mood or wanted to listen when I'm watching movies. Her comments make sense to me. Truly it's wasteful to get cochlear implant if only use little or never. Waste lot of $$!

Yeah, I just remembered that my old surgeon in Utah, thought I will remove my cochlear implant. Bingo! I'm grateful that Dr. Della Santina was very support and friendly. He just surprised that I wore ALL DAY and didn't want to take it off to go bed. I need to put in his shoes to see why.

I guess that's it. I have to wait until time gets closer.