Fifth Mapping

Oh boy! This mapping brought a lot of emotions for me. I do not know how to describe it. No, it's not exciting nor sad. It's just different experience. I haven't seen my audiologist, Steven for two months. It's my cochlear implant two months follow-up last Friday at 12:30pm.

I was looking forward to see my audiogram where I am right now. I felt I had improved so much since our last appointment two months ago. Steven came and bought us (Annie was with me to interpreter for me) to the room where he will test my hearing. He asked me how it went over two months. I explained to him what I have experienced for example high frequency, overcame while packing, two weeks later it came back, blah blah, even what I have learned over two months. I didn't took his time for this. I had to explain brief to give him an idea.

It's time for me to take a hearing test. I felt the same as usually as I took before. After the test, he didn't show it to me until we went to his office. He gave me my audiogram. I was surprised that my high frequency was still strongest than low frequency. My low frequency has not improved yet.

You can compare my another audiogram from earlier date on this blog. Steve decided to renew my mapping. That means he started all over again to remove the old mapping to make the new one. He asked me to listen the beep (gosh, that beeps are very annoying noise) and try to compare 1 and 2, and if the beeps sound the same? I had to do this again and again until all are equal and comfortable. I have done 1, 2, 3, until 10. Suddenly it sting me! I told him it hurts! But it was not painful, it's just hurts. His facial expression surprised and make it go quieter. Again it made the same sting! You might get confused about 1, 2, 3...12. I'm going to post one picture to give you an example.

That picture my dad took when I had my first activation last February 13th. You can see there are twelve. First one is low frequency until last are high frequency. My fifth mapping looks different from this screen now. But I'm showing this to help you understand better.. So he removed 10 to avoid sting me.

So he established a new mapping and push me a bit to pull up the low frequency and lower the high frequency without 10. (10 is one of 12 different frequency) I asked him why that number 10 sting me. He was thinking and said it might be too much electric and that specific area cannot handle it at that moment. (Seriously, that was not so fun to feel that sting. It scared me a bit). So he finally finished with mapping and tested me if it's good enough but it was quiet so he pull up again twice to get it loud enough for me. Now I'm stuck with this new mapping for several months. He said he will not adjust my mapping or make an appointment.

You must wondering why.. Steve said that he does not want to push me more UNTIL my right catch up with left. Yes, that means my left will have to wait for right to catch up (audiogram), so both can work together to improve. My surgery will be on July 13th and activation will be third week of August after my trip to Austria visit Omi, my grandma, Michi, my mother's brother, and other things like FUN FUN FUN and CHOCOLATE! Anyway, poor my left ear will have to wait for several months for another mapping.

Interesting--I asked Steve if I have to take my left cochlear implant off to focus on my right cochlear implant. Because one of my friends told me that she had to take her right off, so her mind will not depend on her right while left on. Sorry if it's confusing but hope it makes sense. Steve said I don't have to because my left cochlear implant is still new. Yay! Same time scary because it might be too loud. Haha. My friend had right cochlear implant for a year and half before get second one. My situation is different than hers.

Okay, add some more emotions--when I saw that audiogram--I admitted I was a little disappointed because I thought I have improved so much. But same time, I remembered Steve warned me that lot of patients felt they have improved so much but the audiograms didn't show that. It didn't mean they didn't improved their hearing skills. It made sense to me now.

I left the office and felt quieter. I thought oh no, did Steve make it quieter? I thought he made it louder to push me a bit? I got confused and decided to ignored it. Got home. Everything still sound quieter. It bothered me a bit. I decided to test program 2 to see if there was anything different from program 1 which I was on. Yeah, it was different--a bit louder. I decided to keep program 2 for awhile. AND I still feel the sore that 10 hits. Oh man, I hope it won't bother me that much. I started to get worried.

Before I went bed, I forgot what has bothered me but I changed my mind and put it on program 1. Silly, I know. The next day, I was still on program 1. I noticed the sounds around me get louder than yesterday. My memories flash--I remembered every time I went for mapping--most of time the changes didn't response until next day. I do not know why but it does. Finally, it's normal but different...different.. That one I cannot able to describe. The sore was not half bad.

Oh no, plastic bags or other things bothered me. In my mind, NO NO NO NO! I overcome that sound! Not again! I hate that sounds. Of course, I did not want to go through again and I cried for no reasons. I know--silly.. I guess it's just overwhelming for me. I talked with Annie and she was curious which frequency was bothering me. She tested me with different sounds to see which it bothered me so much. She even tested me with piano. She found some information from the internet. We found out that middle frequency bothered me, not the high frequency! We both assumed that Steve pulled low frequency and it was new to my brain. I guess I have to get used to it AGAIN. After talking with Annie, I feel much better and increase more courage to continue that stupid noise. I hope I'll able to overcome this annoy noise quickly.

Today is Sunday and I'm all better now (of course, still annoy noise). No more sore, but still feel little weird feeling. At least it's not hurt or anything. I'm relief that I'm okay. Haha. No more drama for me. I'm back normal. Two days with drama can be exhausting. Whew!

Summer Job

I started my summer job for five weeks before I start MY LAST summer school. My job is still the same, teaching ASL, but different place. That time I'm teaching at Harford County, Maryland. It's an LONG hour away from my apartment, including three different highways I had to use to get there. First highway, I had to fight the traffice. Second highway was not that bad and last highway, I-93 was WORST of all. Because that highway is the common for the big trucks use this highway for communters. Imagine four lanes--mostly trucks will use three lanes. TONS of big trucks. It's very nervous driving on that highway plus raining. I started last Tuesday and I went there twice. Both days were rain day.

I never have been there the building HEAT Center in Harford County so I had to guess how long it will takes me to be there on time. I had to get up 5:30am and leave the apartment at 6:3oam to get there on time. On my first day, I got there at around 7:45am--barely. My class starts at 8am. The first highway was horrible traffic, second highway traffic was slow because of heavy raining and third highway I was not sure where I was going.. Looking for the exit... That takes my time to pay attention and extra careful.

Oh I better explain a bit about HEAT Center. Usually I teach ASL classes at Towson University. This time they send me to HEAT Center. That is more likely the building offer classes from different Universities. Even use this building for conferences. It's a small building but very nice. Interesting but I liked it because it's so QUIET and LESS people. Nice technology. They even have SMARTboard. (Perfect I know how to use SMARTboard because I was required to know how to use when I was taking my classes..)

Anyway the second of day I decided to take the CD, Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing with me so I can listen while I'm driving. No, I cannot able to understand the CD yet. I need more exposure of speech, so CD was good start. I don't have to be stress to focus--all I have to listen to it. I put it in my CD player in my car and start to drive. Of course, it was raining. By time I got on second highway. It was a bit better than last time. I was driving and my mind wandering. Suddenly I realized something funny... When the CD start talking, I was able to listen the CD when the person pause or finished a sentence. I heard something else. It's almost like a song middle of the end of sentence. I had to listen again to pay attention why that made sounds.

Finally I REALIZED that when the person talks, my hearing focus on that speak. When the person pauses, my hearing stopped focus to that. I only can hear car noise, but when the person talks again and it did same thing focus back to it. It's sort of CD speaks and car noise push each other to get my hearing attention. That have never happened to me before. I know it might sounds silly but with my hearing aid while driving, the noises are the same. I can't hear the radio or music. It's very difficult because all noisy merge together. It's not really pleasure to listen that disorder sounds. This experience was a big different for me.

Wow.

That thing fooled me. I had to use my finger to touch one of circles to make sure it's not moving. Wow! I thought you might like it. Have fun!

Second Surgery?

What is about second surgery in July? Well, my surgery appointment is on July 13th. The second surgery is to get second cochlear implant for my right ear. But it's not confirmed yet because of my insurance. I talked with my surgeon, Dr. Della Santina and he seems confidence said it should not a big problem; however, we never know what it will happens.

Beginning of March

Why do I want to have second cochlear implant on my right ear? Is one not enough for me? Well, a few years ago, people would say one is enough. Today people started to discuss two is better than one. Because we have two ears and why not have two cochlear implants.

March 27th

I talked with my audiologist, Steve about that from my fourth mapping. To be honest, I was NOT thinking about having second cochlear implant until I read about bilateral cochlear implant on websites and discussed with Annie. I realized if I feel I have learned so much from cochlear implant and still learning. I have no idea how much it will be helpful for me to have second cochlear implant because my right ear is worst than left. Usually doctor would say to put cochlear implant on the worst ear. I disagreed. I wanted to get a good chance of success, so it will going to be left.

The question is would the cochlear implant be helpful with my right ear? How much it will be benefit? I won't list what ifs. So I decided to ask Steve what he thinks and should I get second ones.

He told me that it might help about 20%, but not much. It might help me to recognize the sounds come from but it will takes me a LONG time to give brain to learn. It might help me to understand speech better, but not sure it would. He also emphasized that many people who got second cochlear implants did not regret with their decision.

After I left and got in the car to go home. Annie was driving at that time. I was silent for awhile because I wanted to sink the information in my mind. I was thinking what if what if what if.. AND is it worth try? Is it? It's driving me nuts. My hearts beating crazy. I can't decide at that moment. To my surprised that my heart beating crazy is because I really want to try it. It's more exciting than worried or stress.

I told Annie, "I think I want second cochlear implant. I need to try and see what it will be benefit to me. If I don't get second, then how can I know it might be benefit to me. I want to get that chance..."

I had to make an appointment with Dr. Della Santina to discuss about second cochlear implant and if he approve this.

April 21th

Now the meeting with my surgeon, Dr. Della Santina, and we talked about why I wanted to have second cochlear implant. Dr. Della Santina said he had to test my balance to make sure I'm okay for second cochlear implant. He was confidence and said I had no problem with my balance and I'm good to have second cochlear implant. Before I left, surgeon asked me--

Surgeon: What did you use cochlear implant for?

Me: (little puzzle) I wear my cochlear implant all the time. All day. I hate to take it off when I go bed. I get it on right away when I wake up in the morning.

Surgeon: (surprised/impressed) What did you hear?

Me: Umm many things I have heard that I have never hear before. For example last week I got home from school. The door was open from the patio. I heard something and asked Annie what the sounds were? She said bugs and birds. I was surprised! Something like that. I kept learning new sounds. Also I started to understand "Okay", but not yet confirmed. Still need lot of practice.

Surgeon: Wow.

I left and asked Annie why surgeon was surprised by my response about wearing my cochlear implant all day? Annie thought about it and remind me of one person who got cochlear implant and soon after wanted it to be removed. Also there are many deaf people who got their cochlear implant and only wear it for movie, music, and other things. Never wanted to wear all day. Again, Annie reminded me that I didn't wear my hearing aid all day. I only wear when I'm in mood or wanted to listen when I'm watching movies. Her comments make sense to me. Truly it's wasteful to get cochlear implant if only use little or never. Waste lot of $$!

Yeah, I just remembered that my old surgeon in Utah, thought I will remove my cochlear implant. Bingo! I'm grateful that Dr. Della Santina was very support and friendly. He just surprised that I wore ALL DAY and didn't want to take it off to go bed. I need to put in his shoes to see why.

I guess that's it. I have to wait until time gets closer.

A Movie Experience

A few days ago, I was not interested to see the movie Star Trek. When I saw the television commercial on Star Trek before Annie and I cut cable, (we decided it's waste of our time to have cable in our apartment and save our $$) I thought, oh no, not other movie about Star Trek! Why they obssessed with Star Trek. Sadly I'm not old enough to understand their passion for Star Trek.

Until now Annie told me about this movie and said anyone can watch this movie without review from old Star Trek. We do not have to know people's characters. I thought umm okay. Again Annie explained me a bit about this movie. Okay... sort of interesting... Until I saw several members of my family comment about this movie. Some of them have seen it and other wanted to see the movie. Well, it was enough to make me want to see the movie. The problem is that there is no closed caption (CC) available. It's umm blah for me. I could ask Annie to interpreter for me but it's not the same.

So I decided to check to see what movie they offer for CC near our apartment. I saw Star Trek will be offered CC near us. It'll running from 18th to 20th. Yay! I wanted to go last Friday but we decided to wait because Annie thinks Katie, Annie's youngest sister, might want to join with us. It turned out that Katie had other plans. I still wanted to go to see the movie before 20th. It's my chance to see with CC. I do not have to ask Annie for interpreter.... AND both of us can enjoy the movie. Okay, let's GO!

Spock and Kirk

We finally went to the movie theater and saw the movie. What do I think about this movie? I think the movie was GREAT. One thing you should know about this. This is my first movie theater with my cochlear implant! I haven't gone to movie theater since I got my cochlear implant. I was avoiding to go there because Annie warned me that it might be too loud for me. She mentioned that sometimes it hurts her ear from too much loud. I was like oh uh that sounds not good and I'm only three months old! (I mean my cochlear implant is still baby..)

I decided to move on and try! Annie encouraged me to bring my cochlear implant remote. If it's too loud for me, then I can take my remote out and turn the volume down to comfortable. Know what? I didn't use remote at all! Yes, it was loud but not AWFUL loud enough to kill me or my cochlea! Whew. Annie was surprised and said that was not too loud. Usually it was but that time it wasn't. Goody.

So I was watching and listening the movie, there were several sounds that were WOW. For example.. Let me show the picture-- his name is Nero.

Of course, Nero is a bad guy. You know the good guys and the bad guys. Go figure. Anyway, he was speaking to Captain Kirk or other Captain. I noticed his voice was too creepy and scary! It almost sound like umm gravelly. Maybe it is gravelly. It sounds awful. Of course, it made sense since he is a bad guy.

I realized that cochlear implant helped me to hear better sounds than hearing aids. With my old hearing aid, I couldn't hear the quality of sounds. It's amazing! I liked it lot. Because it shows the emotion (or show how scary you are!) :D

Now I'm looking forward to go there again in the future. I think Harry Potter movie will be the next for me. It won't happen until July probably after my second surgery. (That's another story)

Too Stressful To Think

That picture is exact what I need right now. When I woke up this morning and saw it's barely six in the morning. Dang, curse my jobs, my body clock, and sunrise. I guess it's not bad since I'm not that tired. Okay, I'm not complaining that right now. It's different topic.

I decided to get up and walked to the computer to do federal student aid to get student loan for next year. While I was doing this, I realized I have all day nothing to do. Beside cleaning the kitchen, cleaning bathroom, and washing clothes (that needs to be done a long time ago). What can I do with my FREE time. It's really stressful to think about it. I guess my mind used to busy schedule with crazy things happening to me. Wow, now I'm not sure what to do! Haha. I know I can do fun hobby or read a book or nap forever eh. For some reason I feel it's tough to make a choice even I could do ANYTHING what I want to do. But it's STRESSFUL! Silly, right?

Does that happened to you? I hope I'm not only person who insane to bring this topic up! I think I need to find somebody who invented that thinking cap. It will be nice to have one! :D

Did I Hear What I Thought I Heard?

This evening we were preparing for our dinner, Mahi Mahi. Something different. Something challenge. Something try something new. We found a recipe from the internet. We collected what we need to make marinade for Mahi Mahi. Annie realized one thing is in the garage and it was balsamic vinegar. I volunteered to go down and get it for her. It didn't took me more than three minutes to get it. No big deal. I set it on the counter and kept walking toward the bedroom. At that moment Annie saying something to me. A minute later, I was thinking did she said thank you bug? Or am I imagine? I decided to walk back and asked Annie if she said thank you bug? She responded yes. Of course, I had to smile because I was not imagine what I heard. I didn't look at her. And I didn't pay attention to focus what she was saying. I just heard it.

BUT it doesn't mean that now I understand everything! Just one sentence got through to my brain...

Look Back

I thought why not add some my experiences with new sounds.. Shame on me for not putting it down. Sorry, it's out of order and I couldn't remember when it has happened. I only remember one that was from last night. :S

Last night we were watching a movie. During middle of the movie, Annie got bored. She can't sit still. She had to move or do something. She decided to play with television the remote control by tapping on the piano bench. (Well, we sometimes use this as our coffee table because we use our real coffee table as our television table to save $$. Anyway, she started to tapping and the sounds were annoying. I told her stop tapping the remote control. Her head moved fast to stare at me and said, "you are becoming too HEARING.." I laughed and laughed at what she said. She didn't realized that I'm starting to hear many things she didn't except I would hear those sounds.

I remember other day I was sitting on the couch to do some work. I wanted to talk with Annie for something and she was in the bathroom clipping her nails. I can hear that but it was not my point. I talked with her then left to my couch. I sat down and realized I still CAN hear clipping the nails in the bathroom while I'm in the livingroom! The rooms are not close to each other. Wow.

One time I had to smile at myself because I thought it was amazing. When I had go to MSD (Maryland School for Deaf) from Towson University for my Practicum. It was pouring outside and I hate to drive in the rain especially on the highway. The highway I use was always busy. One thing I liked is to listen the rain. I like to listen if it's heavy rain or light rain. Anyway, I drove and went under several bridges. After I went under one bridge, and I was surprised, then second one I listen careful. That time it made me smile because I realized the sounds were different when I went under the bridge. :D