A Year Older

Sweet Katie gave me roses for my Birthday. I was thinking that we need something such as flower or something on the table because it looked bare. Now it's full of beautiful roses on the table and enjoy to stare at it when it's time to eat meals. Thanks, Katie.

Annie made me a strawberry cake. It tasted very interesting. That cake includes jello, real strawberries, and stuff. Annie did a GREAT job making this cake. Thanks, Annie. It reminds me of Missy. She made me a cake with a big ladybug.

Close up to the ladybug.

That's me and ready to eat that cake. Hey, it's time to put the candles.

Phew, Annie decided to put three instead ___. I can't imagine the cake covers the candles. Imagine it will lead to a big smoke after blow them off.

Well, I'm a year older now. I admitted I forgot how old I was. Yup, that was sad!

Loud Kids

That's middle school kids.

That's me.

I'm sure my parents will like this especially my dad. My dad always complained that I'm too loud when I was young. Today I went to middle school for practicum to earn some hours. I have been there a few times. The more I go there and the more I feel so sorry for their parents as well for my parents that they went through when I was young. Frankly, I'm sick of their loudness/noises.

The kids were yelling, screaming, and use loud voice. Even kick the table, pound the table, or something to get a person's attention, even more..drop the books on the floor, tapping with pencils, hit things, being angry, and more..but I'm sure you get the idea. Sometimes I had to tell them to walk to get their attention since they cannot hear you. Really, the kids did not know how loud they were. I remember I was young and I knew I can make noise but never understood how loud that can be annoying or pain. Anyway, one student has a cochlear implant and he often makes loud noises. He thinks it was funny, but for me it was very annoying. (I do not know how much he can comprehension things "noise" around him.) I had to tell him quiet down and focus on his work. He stared at me and ignored me. After a few attempts and realized it was worthless because his teacher was deaf.

Today has opened my eyes (ears) to understand how my parents went through with me. Suddenly I realized it is difficult to explain to a deaf child how loud he/she was. Because the concept of loudness is very abstract for them, deaf children. Yes, it's true that the children can understand the concept of loudness somewhat but different way--visuals. Visual like busy--sort of same idea with distract background. Or bright clothes can be loud. But deaf children might never realized that the loudness can hurtful. Annie gave me an excellent example. When you're in a dark room, suddenly there are several thick bright lights go wild. It will hits your eyes and your eyes will screaming and shut closed automatically because it hurts.

Wearing hearing aid was completely different with Cochlear Implants. I have two good examples for you.

1. Watching a television show or a movie:

With hearing aid, I had hard time to listen the show or movie because it was not loud enough but too loud for hearing people. Sometimes I was watching and turned the volume up because I was alone at that time. I forgot to turn the volume down after I'm done with it. One of roommates turned the television, it was very interesting to see them startled and danced same time to get the volume down very quickly. I don't feel it was too loud because it didn't bothered me at all.

With Cochlear Implants, we are on the right page to watch without feeling frustrated to listen or scared anyone when they turn the television on. Oh yeah, we used old imac to hook up our television in the living room. We do not have cables, so we rely on internet for television shows. (It's nice because it's free. But sometimes it sucks because of no closed caption. I recently learned that www.hulu.com have several shows that has closed caption! YAY! Still not many shows have that still...anyway you should check it out yourself..) Anyway we had to increase the volume up because it was too quiet and the quality came from internet not television. When I wanted to watch a movie, I inserted a DVD in Blu-Ray player and changed the plug from computer to television. I turned television on--of course--the television bursted loud and it caused me dance and rushed to turn the volume DOWN. Now I understood why they danced. If I wear my hearing aid, I won't dance for sure.

2. Listening a music in car:

I'm pretty sure that Missy, Heather, and Annie can related to that because it has happened to them. It's the same idea with number 1. I turned the volume all up! I liked the bass but didn't feel it was too loud for me. And yes, I was wearing my hearing aid. There were lot of overlap noises and I wanted to listen the music. Listening to it was worthless, so having bass and little other things were better than none. Of course, I forgot to turn it down or never thought they would use this car. When they turn the key, the music suddenly became a bomb of sonic! I could remember their facial reacts when it happened to them. You see, it didn't scared me.

With my Cochlear Implants, it's a big wow because I couldn't turn the volume all UP and it was TOO LOUD for me to handle it! I would go to volume 5-7 or 9-12 (it's depend on CD quality and ipod etc. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about!) on the highway. Wow. It's a big gap between a hearing aid and Cochlear Implants.

So everyday I thankful for my cochlear implants AND GRATEFUL that I was able to get both. Also everyday, well not everyday but often, I have learned something new with sounds. I can be quiet for my parents when I see them. Eh!

Voice Quality

You can called me nerd for this one because I am going to explain what I have heard the quality of voice from Annie. I am starting to wonder if I am becoming to a nerd or I always have been a nerd? Oh well, it's not my topic for today.

I had an opporunity to test FM system with my both CIs. I have been curious how the FM system works with hearing aids and CIs because some of children used for school. I remember I wore one when I was in middle school. They made us to wear a big box on our chest that attached to our molds. It was no fun because it's pointless to wear this thing. Teacher refused to let us wear outside and they were afraid that we will damage this expensive toys. I hated that body aid so much. To be honest, wearing body aid and hearing aid were not completely different. I thought it was just the same. I would prefer to wear my hearing aid than this huge ugly body aid. But our school got them when I was in 8th grade and I was glad that the year was my last before I left for high school. Whew.

Anyway, it was very interesting experiences I had with FM system. Annie was excited to test on me and want to know more about how it works with FM system. It turned out fun project for both of us. I have learned about FM system. First there is a tiny that attach to my CIs. You can see below that attach to my CIs. And there was a remote that controls tiny FM that attach to CIs.

When Annie started to talk, my face changed into puzzle looks. I felt the sounds were not right. Am I crazy? I tried to describe to Annie. Oh boy, it was tough to describe what I heard through FM system. I was not sure if it's right sounds or do I heard the machine sounds? Annie tried many different ways such as walk away from me, moving the mic on where she puts on her body, using Ling to test my comprehension, walking around, etc. We have learned so much in short time.

I have learned something that I never thought about that. After heard all of Ling sounds, I still confused with "M" and "O". It sounds the same to me. I hope my mind can tell the different in the future. In my mind, I still think the sounds were not smooth what I have been hearing for awhile. I told Annie about my thoughts. It was her turn to be puzzled at my comments. We discussed and tried to figure why I felt that way with sounds. Short after I realized that I have been missing some sounds without FM system.

Annie wanted to do listening therapy and play go fish with animal cards. She won the game and told me that I was doing much better than before because I was able to recognize how many syllables. Umm interesting because I don't know that.. Is FM system good for me? I don't know.

Soon after the game, Annie was talking. I noticed something funny about her voices. I told he that her voice kept making funny noise. It took her awhile to find what it was and it was fry. Wow, that was not that bad, uh? I noticed her voice quality. I asked why she does that? She explained that she tends to do that when she reached the end of the sentences. Interesting! But she also emphasized that it's not always that way. Umm.. Again, she added to that and said she might have sore throat and it may affect the voice quality. Wow...maybe.. Wow.. Not bad for me.

Suddenly I was curious why FM system was important to wear in school? (Remember my experiences in middle school...) Annie was ready to explain and got me lost. After second or third time, I finally got it. It made sense to me and I did picked up more sounds than CIs alone. I wanted to show it to you so you can get the idea. I was so happy that I found one perfect example picture. FM system transmitter goes straight to receiver (CIs) what the mic picked up from 1-3 feet from speech. Without FM system, a person speech goes less and less when it travel to CIs. It's harder to hear, with FM system it's much easier without putting lot of effort to listen the person's speech. Interesting.. But it does not have to wear this FM system all the time, it's good for conversation, school, umm other things like that.

My mind is still learning. Really, I need the sounds stay in my mind so it can recognize the sounds next time when I heard it again. Oh boy.. lot of work.. but I have learned so much about how the FM system works. Amazing!

DONE!

I was so glad that COMP was over! I can't believe that they excepted us to finish this COMP within three hours. Seriously, it's impossible to accomplish about 10-15 pages in three hours with lot of thinking on the topics, but I tried. Yup, I tried my best. My anxious will not go away until I know if I pass or not. Bummer, I won't know in four weeks or more. Sighs. I hate waiting for the results, didn't you? But it's done. DONE! I'm DONE, hopefully.

Stressed!

That's me. I realized this THIS THIS Saturday I have to take a big test called COMP. This program gave us two options: Doing thesis that will steal your life or taking COMP that will cause your body bald. Which would I go for? I can't believe I went for second one! I do not have time to do thesis, that sucks.

I tried to study and memorized several articles. Sometimes I feel it's impossible to accomplish what I wanted before this Saturday. My job and practicum eat up my time. Real world know how to suck up my energy before I got home. I sat down and tried to focus on the flashcards. UGH! It seems those words can't stay on mind. My eyes kept driving me nuts. All of my body were trying to tell me to go bed even it was barely 6pm! Now I'm STRESSED OUT! Even worse my patience has gone to a thin ice. Yikes.

Okay, okay! I need to breath in and out. I can't believe today is Tuesday! I have only three and half to go! AAAAHHHHH! Okay, okay--I need something to slap me stop being stressed.. I found this, Stress Reduction Kit, and wonder if it works.. I should try it.. Should I?

Well, I'm still here and no, I did not try that theory to release my stresses. Sighs, I just finished added some more articles on my listing. NOT fun. UGH! I need something to calm me. Well, I found other picture and it looks like a good idea. Done! I just had a yummy ice cream. Darn, it helps but only for temporary. I decided to search more options how to release my stresses.. Yes, I was wasting my time looking for a perfect solution to calm my stresses. It took me a while......

......until I saw this picture, I bursted laugh my guts out. I guess that's what I need for now.

Please pray for me that I can handle the stresses and able to remember all of the articles for this Saturday, naughty COMP...

Another Mapping

This afternoon I had an appointment with Steve. This appointment was umm interesting because something has happened. First Steve asked me to give him my cochlear implants. Allow me to explain a little so you will not get lost in this story. I'm wearing two cochlear implants, right.. I have two back-up processors. That means I have four processors, two for each right and left ears. When Steve finishes the maps, he puts them on my regular processors and my backup processors (different maps for right and left ear).

Steve hooked up my regular processors to a computer and adjusted the map for me. I explained that it was too quiet every time I left his office. Also I told him that my problem with tingly has stopped a few days ago. I had no idea how it stopped but it stopped somehow. We all were thrilled to know it has stopped; however, hoped it will continue that way from now.

I have coils on my head and the wires goes to the computer. When Steve finished adjust my mappings and started to talk with me to see if the volume was good for me. At that moment, he started to talk, it was too quiet. Steve turned to the computer to make it a bit more louder then try it again. Nope, it was still the same--quiet. Steve was puzzled and decided to try one more time. Third time it was the same! Quiet. Steve asked me if the quiet was just quiet or worse than I had before come in the office. I don't have to pause to think if it was different and gave him the answer right away--it was worse than I came in.

Steve got confused and did not know what happened. It drove us all crazy. He checked everything on the computer. He was curious enough to changed from regular processors to back-up processors. He does not change the maps on back-up processors. He asked me if I was able to hear the same as I came in. He tested me by talking to me. Yes, it was the same what I heard before I came in. MMMM..

Steve gave up and told me that he wanted to test my hearing with regular and back-up processors. He tested me all four processors but goodness he didn't test me a whole test or it will takes forever to do that. He made a quick test for all four processors, I mean individually test. He showed us the audiogram. WOW! It does show the big difference between regular and back-up processors. Regular processors were on 70 dB while back-up were on 40 dB. 30 dB is a big gap!

Steve decided to removed the map that he created for me and make it new. Actually he used the map that I had then adjust the map again. He was anxiety to see if it would make it different. Odd, it works that time! That drove Steve nuts because he cannot able to figure it out WHY it was not working. Poor Steve BUT I'm so glad it worked. Whew.

Now Steve increased volume, especially high frequency on right. Whew, that's what I hoped for when I came to the appointment. Right now I'm trying to handle the loudness. It's overwhelming for me. GRR I hate to go through this phase again and again and again!! I cannot wait to get both on stable and used to the sounds. I have no idea how long it will takes but hopefully soon. My next appointment will be on December 4th. Groans. And the good news, the tingly hasn't come back since the appointment. Fingers cross. (Only tiny tingly but not awful annoying.)

A Concert

That's me. I'm in a concert. Annie and her sister, Katie loved the songs from Brandi Carlile. Annie found out that Brandi Carlile came back for another concert but that time in Baltimore. That was much closer than in Annapolis.

At first I was not sure if I wanted to go to the concert with them because I didn't enjoy much last time I went with them. That was when I got first cochlear implant. I didn't like the sounds of applauses, yelling whoo whoo, or guitar. It was too loud for me. I can't handle it and I thought the band was boring for me.

I was too nervous because now I'm bilateral and would it be worse for me? I took the risk and find it out by myself to see if it has improved or still the same. Before we left for the concert, I learned that there will not be any table or chair available. (The first concert was simpler and quiet. They had tables, chairs, and foods. Also there were no drums or bass.) Oh boy, let's go and have fun. Annie and Katie were nervous for me as well. They were hoping that I would enjoy the concert.

We left at around 6:30pm and the concert will not start until 8pm. We wanted to get there a bit early for parking. We found a spot without any problems. Thanks to Katie! She went that place before and knew where to park. We arrived and saw there were two LONGGG lines to get in. We got inside and it somehow surprised me the environment inside of the building. I was not excepting what it would be. Of course, there are no table or chair... means we have to stand near the stage. Yup. Near the stage and standing for about .... FOUR HOURS! Anyway, back to that.. There were several people already standing front of the stage. Obviously super fans of Brandi Carlile. We went to find a spot to stand and it was middle of place. Not too close to the stage. We just stand and waited for the concert started.

Suddenly I heard people started yelling, whoo, and applauses. Interesting, I didn't panic or squeeze my eyes for loud. Wow, I can handle that sounds. Let's see how it goes. Oh uh, there was a band and it was Amy Ray. She gave a opening for Brandi Carlile. Sheese, that band gave LOT of BASS and LOUD! I'm sure I do not need to wear my cochlear implants for this. I could feel the bass all over my body. Seriously, I can feel my pants vibration! Wow! Look at me... I can handle this LOUD music. While listening the song, I turned to Annie and Katie and told them that the band stinks. Annie and Katie laughed because they agreed with me. I don't know how to describe why this band was stink. I think it was too loud and too much bass. Too boring, blah.

Amy Ray and the band played for about 40 minutes. Finally Brandi came and the audience went crazy. Of course, I knew Brandi came to the stage that moment when the audience screaming for her. Amy Ray and the band finally left and let Brandi and the band start the show! Wow, it was MUCH better than Amy Ray! First few songs were not bad. I started to develop enjoyable to listen the songs and feel the bass. (NOT too loud or too MUCH bass as Amy Ray.) For some reasons, Brandi was more smoother than Amy. Okay, after few songs--I started following the rhythm by tapping my foot on the floor through the beats. It was so much fun. I was surprised at myself that I REALLY enjoyed the concert! Even my feet were killing me for standing FOUR hours.

The concert was over and we grabbed each other to escape the crazy audience who tried to escape as well. We were able to get out fast. I walked and tap Annie's shoulder. Annie turned to see what I wanted to say. I said, I REALLY enjoyed this concert! I wanted to go again.... Annie was shocked that I really enjoyed the concert. I bet Annie and Katie were relief that I did enjoyed this concert that time.

We left with hard of hearing. Yup, including me! That was so weird feeling. I started to understand why it was danger to be close to the speakers! :D The next morning, my sort of hearing got back normal. Whew. Well, I guess that's all and it was FUN time. I was happy that I did make the right decision by going to the concert with Annie and Katie. Thanks gals!

Oh Yeah!

I woke up and went to the bathroom. I came out of bathroom and saw Annie was about to wake up. I ran to jump on her bed and give her a hug. She got scared and pushed me.

Our conversation:

Me: Why you pushed me?

A: I got scared!

Me: You scared? Why?

A: I don't know you were there.

Me: But you knew I was in bathroom and you can hear the toilet flash, right?

A: Yeah, but I was stretching while you coming to me. Remember I'm hard of hearing at that moment.

Me: Uh? OHHHH! I totally forgot all about that. Using my cochlear implants and I don't have that problem.

End of our conversation... I thought it was funny because before get my cochlear implants, I remember I asked Annie one time when I was wearing my hearing aid. I noticed that when I was yawning or stretch my body, I can't hear any noise for a few second. Annie explained it to me why it happened.

I thought it was very interesting because now I have cochlear implants and it skipped that part. When I yawn or stretch, I still can hear.

I don't need to use the Tympanic Membrane (drum) or Eustachian Tube for the pressure air. I hear was straight from cochlea. That explains why Annie was not able to hear me coming to her while she was stretching her body.

This picture has animation. I don't know if this picture I put on this blog would work. If you want see the animation, click here.