Oh no..

The problem is BACCCCCCCCK! I had to make another appointment with Steve to fix the problem again. That time I do not know if he is going to do the same thing he did with me last time or try another way to figure why it's causing me problems. Actually I think my ear have pick up more sounds and the sound has increased to that point might caused the problem. I'm not sure because it have been on and off often. I hope it will be solved SOON so I don't have to handle this! :S

Okay, Annie and I arrived at Johns Hopkins Hospital and entered the building. We waited for the elevator. I heard the beep behind me. I was a little relief that I was able to hear it because I was not able to hear it since I got my cochlear implant. (With my old hearing aid, I was able to hear the beep..) Anyway, we walked into the elevator that goes up. I need to go to sixth floor. There were three women with two strollers got on the same elevator with us. One woman get off on floor 2... Waiting... suddenly I heard number 5 before the elevator door opened. I was surprised and looked at Annie--did that elevator said number 5? She reply yes, it did. I never realized the elevator tell you which floor you are on! I was astonished it happened to me. Because it was random and I was not expected to understand around me (I mean people talking). Oh boy! Finally, the sixth floor arrived and we got off. That thing has stick to my mind--unbelievable.

Okay, Steve got us and walked inside of his office. We discussed about my problems and Steve had to adjust some frequency and tested with me if bothers me. And it didn't bothered me. He decided to lower the power but not volume. Then he tested me with Ling sounds. He tested me several times and adjust some of electrodes. It's alike try this..no no try this.. Oh that's worse.. need back to that.. try one more.. Well, try one more.. That's what we did for a few minutes.

Oh yeah when we arrived, Steve asked me if I'm teaching or taking class right now. I told him that I'm taking classes right now and tomorrow will be last day for this set of classes. He was wondering if I teach in summer because his neighbor will take ASL through Towson next summer. That was funny.

Anyway what's the complex is that two things.. He was so curious about the surgery this Monday. I was curious why he was curious about this. He explained that my right residual hearing will be removed. It might affect on my left hearing and my brain might got confused something...... Like my brain might looking for the sounds but couldn't find it. (Annie giggled because what's left in my right hearing..there's not much to lose.) Again, he mentioned that left sounds might lower volume. Basically he is very curious the results.

Another is that yesterday morning I woke up and felt the problem but I was not wearing my cochlear implant. I told Steve about that. He was eager to explain it. What I understand that my brain is learning how to listen. Simple answer. My brain finally realized the sounds that is understandable what hearing aid couldn't do make any sense. When I took my cochlear implant off or didn't put it on. Brain thought something was there and started to look for it, but there wasn't. Steve shows that it's a good sign that my brain is learning how to listen. Oh boy, every time I went to see Steve and come home struggling to put in the words what happened in the office. Every time the appointment gets weirder and complex. I wonder what's next?

Well, it seems my surgery has been confirmed this Monday. I bumped into a financial counselor. That's another topic but it seems the insurance approved for second cochlear implant! Well, we will see until I put my body on the cold metal bed as being naked with tight nylon on my legs.

A butterfly

I know it might be creepy but I thought it was cool when I was able to get close enough to get a picture of a butterfly. Actually a dead butterfly, no I did not kill it. Annie found it dead on the parking lot of the Post Office. I saw it and wanted to play with my camera and trying to get close enough without any blurry. After took several pictures and one is best one so far. It's amazing to see the butterfly's head. Wow, look at that eyes and mouth. Wow. Now the butterfly have buried in somewhere-- I do not want to give you any scar if I told you where I have buried the butterfly.

Anyway, my whole point is that it's so beautiful and brilliant how Heavenly Father has created animals for us on the earth. Psss you should click on that picture to get a good close look at the butterfly's head.

All I can say..

Am I dreaming?

I think I'm dreaming that I have some extra time to type my blog. I had to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming this. OW! I guess I'm not dreaming! Indeed, I'm back in school and the school wanted to drown me! My nose is barely above the water. Enough with imagine being in the water.

I have been in summer school for two weeks. I have one more week to go. Am I insane to take two classes for three weeks?! I went through this last summer and hated it. I felt it was brutal experiences but same time it's good idea to get over with it FAST and SHORT time. I do no know which summer is worst, so no comment on that one yet.

This morning something just hit me--today is seven days away from my surgery. Yes, I'm still counting down for my second surgery. I have no idea what will happen on that day--with my insurance. It's 50% until I'm in the hospital. I have to be there at 5:30am for my surgery at 7:30am. Groans, poor both us (Annie will have to drive me and stay there until I'm out of surgery then bring me back home..) I'm sure both of us will dead by night on that day. Anyway, keep your eyes open. I'll post as soon as I can.

Crazy Short Vacation

Katie (Annie's sister), Annie, and I went Virginia for beach. We all wanted to go there for a reason. I wanted to have a little vacation before summer school. Annie wanted to celebrate she finished spring semester with school (her job). Katie wanted to go cuz she loved there. All mouses went together to three different beaches.

We arrived so late after crazy mold from my apartment. Now it's time for relaxing weekend. Well, while we were driving--it was dark and so late. I saw lighting bugs fire up. Suddenly when a lighting bug hits the window shield, it glows (more likely a fireworks that you can threw on the floor. It made sounds.) But with lighting bug, it hits and light blows then fade slowly. Weird!

Annie got tired and she wanted Katie to drive for her since I was exhausted. Katie had to go potty but there are nowhere at that time. Annie tried to find a place to stop so both can switch. She found a turn on the right path and make a circle. I realized that place is a prison. Katie couldn't hold much longer, so she got out of car and walked to find a place for potty in the trees. I got a bit panic since that area was prison. Annie kept saying oh those people are in the blocks. They couldn't get out. Well, somehow it can be a miracle for a person to escape from the prison, but I'm not going to think about it. Phew, Katie made a quick trip and we got back on trip.

The next morning we left for beach. We decided to try for Beach ... . We had to drive an hour to get there. The place was beautiful and different than where we were staying at Annie & Katie's aunt's house. We stayed there for about four half hours. I was bummer because I got some sunburns! Dang it.

Next morning I decided not to go to the beach because of my sunburns. We ended up went to watch a move called, "The Proposal". It was funny movie, we all liked it. We don't know what to do even it was only early in the afternoon. We went to get ice cream then what?! Umm finally all of us agreed to go to beach. Yes, beach night time. Oh my, it became GREAT night. The waves were GREAT but a bit crazy. The first beach was not bad.

Third day Katie hoped to go for beach before we leave for home. We went to different beach. It turned out some drama and I am not going to list it down. We didn't stay there much longer. I think we stayed there only two hours because of lousy waves, very WINDY, crowd, and sand hits us OWIE OWIE! We gave up and left for home. It's good because I wanted to get home before it gets dark.

It's amazing to see three different beaches and different waves. All three beaches have one common--cold water. First day I had hard time to get used to cold water. Second day was BEST but still cold. Third day was umm cold but not bad.

I finally got comfortable to dive through the waves, let the wave hits my back, duck when the big waves comes, and trying to control myself before the water current pulling us away! Annie taught me what I should do. She grew up with beach. Her mother always took her kids to beach when Annie was young. Oh yeah, Annie taught me how to use boogie boarding. It was fun. One time the wave kicked me off. OWWWWWWWIE! I thought I would die because I felt the wave bend my back. Oh boy.. Annie, of course, explained me why it has happened and tell me how to do proper way blah blah.

At least I had fun time.... My vacation was over.... WWWWAAAAHHHH!!

AAAAGGGGGHHHH!!

On that day we were planned to leave here at our apartment for beach when I get home from my work. In the early morning, I left here at 6:30am to get there at work by 8am. I have been teaching my ONE class for four hours then drove back another hour to get home. I was ready to leave on the road as hoping that Annie will driving because I was exhausted. One tiny thing made a big stressful, I just learned that Annie kicked by accident and broke her toes. She couldn't pack, clean her car, get food ready, etc. Yup, that means I have to run home to do errands before Kate, Annie's sister come here--YIKES!

OH MY GOSH! I have been up and down several times. (I live on second floor of apartment.) I was nearly done with packing and ready to leave but wanted to get some game boards to bring with us. I went to the closet where the games are. I opened and smelled something so STINKY! PHEW!! I didn't explore why it smelled so badly. I was in hurry. I grabbed the box from the bottom and noticed there were mold. I looked from down to up. My eyes changed wide into a shock look. The closet was covered mold everywhere!! I jumped back and yelled for Annie. Anne came and see what was going on. She saw where I pointed to.

FYI: This picture didn't look much GROSSY and you haven't see a WHOLE of it. Bottom was MUCH WORSE than this picture. I wish I have caught that part before the man came..

Of course, we had to called the apartment office to report. The man came to see what's going on and saw that it was serious situation. He told us that three days ago, upstairs had water leaks. They thought it wouldn't affect downstairs. BUZZZZZZ! Wrong! However, he said he couldn't do anything until next week. UGH! Again, he also said that we must took all of the games OUT of the closet. Okay.. that was bad timing. Great.. More work for me.. Lucky Katie got here and helped me to get all the games out of the closet.

So sad that we had to buried HALF of our games into a huge apartment trash. Sniffing. Good bye good games. Serious, the mold rule the games. Mold won. We were able to saved only few games. I don't want to think how much we lose on those games. Look at the bright side, we found it before the mold take control of our apartment. Mold might kill us in silent, who knows.

We finally left and got there very late. Whew.

Adventurous Appointment

I think this one will going to be difficult for me to explain what happened at my appointment with audiologist, Steve, last Friday. I will try my best.

You might wonder why I have gone Steve even it’s not time for my sixth mapping. Well, I’m going to refresh your mind. My fifth mapping—one of twelve (it’s number 10) electrode have caused a bit pain when Steve turned the volume up. He decided to turn 10 off. I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, and 12 on active.

I went home and feel weird. Maybe that mapping electrode 10 caused it to be sore. Like you have a cut and then you touch it. I guess I waited to see how it goes in a few days. Over the weekend, I started to feel it was different that time. The feeling is very hard to describe and I tried to explain it to Steve. Imagine that. Let me try to explain it to you if you understand what I mean. It’s sort of like some cough drops, it makes your throat tingly/cool. That tingly/cool feeling is deep in my ear. I don’t think it’s related to a specific sound. The strange is that when I took my cochlear implant off, it was disappeared. Too weird! I had to email Steve. He suggested me to go see the doctor to see if I have an ear inflection and I don’t have it. He suggested me to turn the volume down and it didn’t work. We have been forth and back then finally decided that I should go back to see Steve and see why I’m having that feelings.

That was two weeks ago since I had an appointment with Steve for fifth mapping. The appointment was Friday at eight in the morning. I went and the appointment took longer than usually I had with mappings. This appointment was different. Steve said he have a theory and wanted to try it to see if it works. I went inside of his office and saw there was a machine and it was Middle Ear Analyzer. I thought it must be for other clients.

Steve: That machine, Middle Ear Analyzer, I’m going to use on you. I have a theory and I wanted to try and see if it works.

Me: (Confused: But it’s not the issue since ear drum was worthless to test because cochlear implant goes in different way..)

Steve: It will goes to your right ear.

Me: Uh huh? How it works?

Steve: What I will do is to put this in your right ear and check to see … too loud that would trigger the muscle. It will apply the same as your left ear.

Me: (Curious) Okay.

I guess that’s what he did to me. He pulled the Middle Ear Analyzer close to him so he can work on his computer and Middle Ear Analyzer same time. What he do with the computer? The coil wire goes to the machine that connected to the computer. He turn the volume up to my individual frequency to see when it would trigger. He started with quiet until loud. He will asked me if the loud is okay with me. I had to answer it’s okay, not too loud. Nothing exciting with electrode 1. He tested electrode 4. Suddenly Steve was so happy and proud of himself. I have no idea why he was so happy but realized that he was happy that his theory probably right. So he continued with other frequency. Nothing wrong with some frequency until 10.. Of course, the number 10 is the problem. He had to start with quiet until where it hurts me. Bingo, that hurts. He turned the volume down and it hurts a little. He again lower the loudness and that time no pain.

At that moment, I asked him why it was causing pain? Because when it hurts, I can feel hurt goes down to my throat. It’s almost like throbbing. Steve was diligent to give me the answers why it has happened to me. He started to give me the example—doctor taps your knee and you kick. It's a reflex. Same idea with ear. When the sounds are loud, it triggers the muscle to pull your eardrum. (Later Annie told me: When you yawn, you couldn’t hear the noise because while you yawn, the muscle pulls the eardrum tight.)

He said that number 10 is sensitive to the electrical stimulation from the implant.

So the question is can he fix the problem? Yes, he can by change the mapping a bit. Now my newest mapping does not change a lot except number 9, 10, and 11. He made the number 9, 10, and 11 stimulation lower than other stimulation and try again on me to see if the problem have solved. The first try, it hurts; therefore, he had to lower once again. Finally no more pain on that mapping.

Before Steve was confirmed the new mapping is good for me, he had to test me by saying Ling sounds with a black cloth to cover his mouth. He asked me to raise my arm if I hear him say something. He started to say one of Ling and I had no problem raise my arm for awhile as he said the sounds quieter and quieter. One time I was not sure if I heard it. I said umm I’ll go ahead raise my arm and not sure because I think it’s extremely quiet. Am I imagine? Steve was thrilled that I was able to hear the quiet and said it’s good mapping for you now. You do not have two programs now. You have accomplished that area.

Steve asked me what I wanted to do with second program so I decided to go for music. He set up a program for music. I wonder what’s the different but Steve mentioned that the music he set will be broader than program 1. Program 1 is narrow to focus on the speech frequencies.

The result is that I haven’t had weird feeling since last Friday. After the appointment, I felt everything was quiet. I recalled that I noticed nothing much after the mapping until NEXT day. True enough, the next day it was a bit louder than Friday, but not too loud as before. It’s different somehow. Things tend bothers me was not important to me now. Yes, it’s loud but not enough to drive me nuts. Such as plastic bag or flush the toilet. I sometimes ran away from the toilet when I flush it. Sometimes I forced myself to stay to wash my hands while flush the toilet. That sounds was unpleasant to me. Now I can get used to that noise because the high frequency is not overpower other frequencies.

Well the first day was quiet. The second day was better. The third day was a lot better. Now I feel the bathroom is loud and starting annoying again, but not awful. I guess I am picking up the sound even though Steve turn down the stimulation.

Now I feel I have to learn everything over, because the high frequency is not overpower other frequencies. I have to do listening therapy to see if it sounds the same or different. I guess I will find out soon. I guess that's it for now.

Flashes

Weird.. Weird.. Last night I was exhausted and ready go bed. I had no problem shut my eyes right away when I lay on my bed. Dreams appeared in my head. Until about two in the morning, something flash on my eyes. I couldn't figure it out, but I DO NOT want to open my eyes to see what it is or if it's real flash. I ignored it. I imagined it must be from my one of dreams. A few seconds later, AGAIN something flash on my eyes. Groans! NO NO NO! I'm SLEEPING! I'm NOT going to open my eyes. NO WAY! Of course, I ignored it again. My mind started to race with thinking what flash is. It won't let me go to my dreamland.

Third time, the flash repeated and that time it forced me to open my eyelids to see what's going on. Grin, I struggled to open my one eyelid then another one. My eyeballs rolling to where Annie's sleeping. I had to stare at Annie to see if she is awake, but nope she was sleeping peaceful. I looked around the room. Nothing! I struggled to adjust my eyes focus on the clock (I feel like I'm using the binoculars) to see what time it is and it said 2:13am. Groans! My head hit the pillow and eyes shut hard.

A few minutes later, ARRRRGGGG!!! That flash happened AGAIN!! I had to open my eyelids and stay open to stare if it would happen again. For about two minutes, I was staring in the dark but nothing. I admitted I was starting to get a bit scared. My stupid brain started to act paranoid. My own personal fought with my brain that there is no such thing that could flash or something weird.. I do not want to stay up and wait for it. I had to breathe in and out and hit the pillow once again.

After I shut my eyes, you would guess what's next to this. Yes, the flash has happened again. My eyelids opened so FAST to see where the flash comes from. Somehow I started to imagine is it from me? Sighs. I don't know what to do next. That flash is bothering me and I couldn't go sleep with flashing on my eyelids. I decided to get up and go to the bathroom even I don't need to. I closed the door half way so I can stare from the outside. I sat down on the toilet and stare. I only able to drop a few pee. You know that I just told you that I don't really need to go to the bathroom. Now you believe me.

I was about to close my eyelids, SUDDENLY FLASH!!!! Can you guess what the flash is? It was from outside! I got up and pulled up my sweat pant and went to the window (of course, I did swipe myself before pull up my sweat pant--stop worrying--hey, focus my story). I peeked through the blinds to see where the flashes came from. Oh boy.... That's what I saw...

I made a lot of noise by peeking through the blinds that woke Annie up. Well, I'm guilty because she was not able to go back sleep right away, eh. Sorry, Annie. Alright, I found out what flashes were and felt so stupid. I jumped in my bed and hit the pillow. I struggled to go sleep because of flashes. Somehow knowing the flashes are lighting. I'm not sure if it's lighting or thunder. I need to ask Annie if she was able to hear it. Finally I was able to go to my dreamland after a few minutes later. BUT before go away to the dreamland, I asked myself umm would cochlear implant help me to be aware of noise around me. Would I be less cowardly lion? Seriously, it won't do much since I cannot able to sleep with it. Cochlear implant magnet is not strong enough to hold while I move my head on the pillow. Darn. Too bad for me to be a cowardly lion during the night. But same time sleep without cochlear implant probably good idea, so I can sleep better. Cowardly lion and sleep lousy or cowardly lion and sleep better. At least I know what flashes are.